"Here's a good story. There once was an overworked factory guard who kept getting annoyed by nitwits late at night. Eventually the poor guard went crazy, turned into a werewolf, and ate the nitwits. The End. I just love happy endings." -- Surly Guard
The Surly Guard at Joe's Cotton Cornucopia is a fictional character in Thomas Edison's time in Carmen Sandiego's Great Chase Through Time. All that's visible of him are his eyes peeking through the door.
The guard is very grouchy and mean. He apparently hates his job having to guard cotton in the middle of the night. However, he likes to tell a story about a guard who's annoyed by what he calls "nitwits". The guard would only give away thread with his boss Joe's permission.