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"Here's a good story. There once was an overworked factory guard who kept getting annoyed by nitwits late at night. Eventually, the poor guard went crazy, turned into a werewolf, and ate the nitwits. The End. I just love happy endings."
―Surly Guard

The Surly Guard at Joe's Cotton Cornucopia is a fictional character in Thomas Edison's time in Carmen Sandiego's Great Chase Through Time. All that's visible of him are his eyes peeking through the door.

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The guard is very grouchy and mean. He apparently hates his job having to guard cotton in the middle of the night. However, he likes to tell a story about a guard who's annoyed by what he calls "nitwits". The guard would only give away thread with his boss Joe's permission.

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